He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
