I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
