It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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