I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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