I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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