Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
