Im at strip club and am horny
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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