If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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