your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
