; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
love makes seman taste better
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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