I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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