so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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