You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
