Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
how does that bad decision feel?
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