I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
