so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
