sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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