she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize