.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
