His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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