is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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