grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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