Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wear drunk well.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
