It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
