New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
