I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
