We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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