That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
