1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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