just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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