I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
