you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
