..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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