I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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