Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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