I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
