Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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