Will you blow on my dice?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
