i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
