Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
