i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
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I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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