omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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