hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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