i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
