why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
