What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
