You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
