it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
