I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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