She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
