I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
