he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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