Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
