haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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