Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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