were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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