Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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