I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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