1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
