So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
