i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
