So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
