we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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