people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the day after is always just damage control
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
