i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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