i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
