I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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