Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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