Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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