You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
