i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
