Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
